Lana Hoskin

Stories of courage

Story of Olivia.

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I was in my last semester of law school when I met a woman in my class. Her name was Olivia. She was a beautiful, petite, naturally blond woman in her 30th, with quiet aristocratism and a calming energy. She had both strength and softness. Olivia shared a story with me; her voice was tired but with hidden hope.

“I have a husband… we met when we were very young. My parents were divorced. He was supportive and encouraging when I decided to go to law school. But when I got pregnant for the first two times, he told me to have an abortion, because he was building a business and we did not have time for kids. I prayed to God to forgive me when I went to do those abortions. He was very demanding and controlling from the beginning, but I liked it. I thought this was how a real man should be… after all, he protected my mom and me.”

She paused.

“He always controlled the money. When I got pregnant for the third time this year, he said he wanted a child. I lost the child due to miscarriage… he became enraged with me. He called me names at home but smiled with our friends. I wonder, sometimes, if he wants a child as a way to keep me dependent on him.”

She showed me a picture of her man. A dark-haired, brown-eyed, tall and handsome, charismatic and fit man. If she hadn’t told me what he had done to her, I would’ve never guessed he was abusive.

“He likes hunting,” she added, smiling. 

“So yes, I can not wait to graduate and start my law practice. When I get enough money, I will leave him. But… not for now. My mom would be against it; she likes him a lot. Sometimes, I feel like she likes him more than me.”

This story is based on real events. Names and identifying details have been changed to protect privacy. I never share a client’s story without explicit written permission.

👉 Want your story told? DM me. We can connect safely, and you can choose to give me permission to share your journey anonymously.

👉 Does this resonate with you? Write the comment to this post  “HEAL” to receive my free Healing Blueprint: Reclaiming Strength After Emotional Abuse. You don’t have to carry this alone.


#AbuseSurvivor #SilentSuffering #BehindClosedDoors #HiddenAbuse #BreakTheSilence #CoerciveControl

Effects of your past destructive or abusive relationships.

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How do the effects of your past destructive or abusive relationships rob you of time that you could be spending on your self-care, your professional development, your kids, and your hobbies? 

 

  • Staring in space, at  work at play (could be disassociation)

 

  • Can not focus on tasks

 

  • Can not fall asleep ( feel like a zombie the next day, lower productivity)

 

  • Wake up in the middle of the night (eat more carbs the next day- gain weight- high inflammation- more doctor visits)

 

  • Can not wake up ( skipping morning exercise)

 

  • Do not have patience  (lost opportunities)

 

  • Anger and irritability ( losing loved ones) 
  • Feeling moody and ruminating (no motivation)
     

The list is going on. You might go to therapy, but you still struggle.  If you recognize those behaviors, it is time to reclaim your time and life.

 

We hold stress in our bodies.

 

While our bodies have inherent wisdom,  they need the right environment,  nutrition, and gentle movements to feel safe again.

If your world crumbles, you have to save yourself. 

1. The first step is to recognize that your world crumbles.

2. Analyze the intensity of your emotions, and record for how many days you feel unwanted emotions or feelings with the help of some apps (they are helpful)

3. Decide to ask for help, help yourself, or even better, both.

After you make a decision, comes the easy part (I know, I am funny):
SMALL ACTION and PERSISTENCE.

The best three ways to get out of a challenging emotional state are to involve three areas:

       PHYSICAL

      MENTAL

RELATIONAL

Physical.
Walking, boxing, weightlifting, hiking, dancing.
Playing with a pet, walking barefoot, cold showers, face in the bowl with ice, hot bath, or sauna.
Replace one soda with a glass of water, etc. Start the first step toward feeling better, including reclaiming yourself with better sleep. Sleeping better is crucial because research shows that if we miss REM, we tend to have a stronger emotional response to the same events we would easily brush off when we sleep well.

 

Mental.
Answer these questions:
What did I learn about myself?
What am I grateful for, despite the difficulty of the situation?
What was good today?
What was bad today?
What connection do I see between now, the past, and the future?
What can this experience teach me?

Relational.
Call a friend or a family member.
Volunteer.
Support a colleague or a stranger.
Do somatic exercises to connect to yourself (tapping, self-havening, shaking, rocking)

Choose 1-3 action steps and do them every day.
You will create an opportunity to escape the slump/distress/rage/sadness.
Make it last longer and more consistently, preventing you from entering an unwanted state.

Follow for more neuroscience-based tips 😉
Always consult a licensed professional for help, or call a crisis line if you cannot handle things yourself.